Survivors Stories

They say time is a healer, but I don’t believe that… 

They say time is a healer, but I don’t believe that. I think ‘time’ has just given me a way to distract myself. I want my time in life to count… I’m now in a loving relationship with two beautiful children. I’ve travelled the world with the British Army, seen things people should never see. This does not define me and neither does my childhood. I’m now past the feeling of shame, not feeling strong enough to talk… I’m now ready to share my story.

A family member I thought once loved me, actually I can now say out loud abused me.

It’s hard to look back and say my exact age when the abuse started. I just remember waking up to my uncle in my bed feeling frozen, closing my eyes waiting for the moment I heard the door close because I knew that’s when he had left… and I could breathe again.

Something needed to change. I felt dirty, I felt ashamed…I always thought this never happened to boys, so why me… I’ve never felt so lonely and lost.

I needed a way to escape.  I decided to join the military…but I still wasn’t ready to tell people what happened, to be honest, I believed this way I would never have to tell anyone.

Fast-forward ten years serving in the military; I still hadn’t spoken about my childhood. Time had allowed me to push my past to the back of my mind. But… a day that changed my life forever was back in 2019. My misses was watching the soaps on TV and there was a story-line about a character that experienced sexual abuse as a child. I remember looking up at the TV, my vision going all blurry and all I could see was a younger me with my eyes closed frozen in my bed. Why didn’t I fight back…how could he still hurt me all these years later?

That night I told my wife everything… and that’s my life started.

I’m now getting professional help, I understand my feelings and people are listening to me. No one is turning a blind eye because I am a male.

Please don’t make the same mistake in life as I did. Life is for living. Break that silence, sexual abuse can happen to anyone regardless of your gender. It is so important to talk, and be reassured you are a stronger person by doing so. I’m now being supported by professionals at Trust House Lancashire and learning how to cope and heal with my past.


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